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It’s Not About Tiger Woods, It’s About Us

Posted on Dec 15, 2009
AP / Koji Sasahara

By Mark Heisler

Editor’s note: We’re pleased to welcome Mark Heisler, our favorite sports writer, to these pages. Here, he looks at the biggest story in sports and asks “why?”

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I thought the Tiger Woods story was out of legs a week ago, even if he later figured out he shouldn’t have tried to get off with mere “transgressions” in his first apology instead of using the word infidelity, while devoting 75 percent of his statement to asserting his privacy and only 25 percent to actually apologizing.

By then, it was hard to conclude anything other than he’d been unfaithful and crashed his car after arguing with his wife.

That is, it was hard to conclude anything else if you had to conclude anything.

You could just have put this down as some shit, however entertaining in a voyeuristic way, that happened to someone else—and considered it something between Woods and his wife, regardless of how famous he is.

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Instead, the world was living from development to development, suggesting something much more important was going on than any of the old standards being hauled out: the damage to Woods’ image, or his failure as a role model, or golf’s chances of survival without him.

Nor is the issue the deeper, moral question posed by The Nation magazine’s “Tiger Deserves Your Scrutiny” piece, in which the author disavows any interest in Woods’ personal life but, since he’s on the subject, uses the story as a starting point to suggest that Tiger’s problems are poetic justice because of his lack of social conscience.

Of course, when Woods merchandized himself as purer than pure, he gave up much of his quote, right of privacy, unquote—a quaint notion in any case, since it depends on the, quote, restraint, unquote, of the predators who have just shown how willing they are to invade it the moment it suits their purpose.

Of course, who ever understands the bargains they enter into, be they sexually adventurous 50-something presidents or 20-something golfers?

The real story isn’t about Woods, at all—it’s about us:

What will it take, exactly, before we—the great aggregate we—butt out?

The great aggregate we, the community created by the media and its vast audience, overlap ever more, mobilizing ever greater numbers of people as broadcasters, publishers, viewers, readers, bloggers and tweeters who report, consume and relay the news.

With the planet awash in electrons trailing in Woods’ wake, Yahoo’s chief executive, Carol Bartz, announced at an investment conference, apparently intending no irony: “God bless Tiger.”

Noting the “huge uplift” for Yahoo, Bartz went on to note it was “better than Michael Jackson dying,” because it was “kind of hard to put an ad next to a funeral.”

Of all the questions being posed about Woods, the only one left out is whether any of them are appropriate.

Of course, we may still get to it when we run out of everything else, and/or feel guilty.

God forbid Tiger actually does anything drastic. Then we would have a lifetime of listening to the mea culpas.

If there ever was a line between appropriate and not appropriate, it’s gone now. Given enough interest, the media have no problems coming up with reasons why any story is their business.

Life in the globalized village is a constant search for sensation, the mass-interest lifeblood that flows through all platforms and niches.

Things like hard news, or abstruse policy discussion—you know, real-life stuff—are consigned to niches where people on the right and left can get thorough reportage that fits their preconceptions, and is buttressed by well-thought-out-albeit-180-degree-different arguments from Rush or Glenn or Keith.

The fractured audience may as well live in parallel universes, rather than being citizens of the same country with the capacity to form a broad consensus on matters of national interest.

We just had a national “debate” on health care that, at the grass-roots level, focused on whether the principals were socialists, communists, Birchers or Nazis.

Back in the ’80s when he and I were sports writers at the Los Angeles Times, I told my friend, Mike Littwin, now a national columnist for The Denver Post, that sports and politics were the same. I couldn’t explain why then, but everything that has happened since has made it clear:

Politics, once about ideas, is now ever more about winning, as conservative Republicans bill themselves as “compassionate” or “populist,” and Democrats agree that the government has a role in “values” and find they can be both for capital punishment and against abortion, the so-called pro-death posture.

Winners are worshiped and losers scorned, so the Democrats can be thrown on the garbage heap of history in 2004 and be back in the White House by 2008.

Sports writing was always like this. Every team is a folk movement with fans and media outlets devoted entirely to it, making pretend war with each other, creating super-human champions to worship and villains to revile.

There’s nothing more thrilling than the ascent of icons ... except the fireballs when they fly, and/or we launch them, too close to the sun.

FDR, a paraplegic, may not have been electable today. Michael Jordan, who had a peccadillo or two revealed in the 1980s and ’90s, which was still an innocent time compared with today, may not have gotten out as unscathed as he did.

This is Woods’ time, for better and, as usual, for worse. Just as no sports figure ever rose as high as he did, none ever fell as far and as fast, after running into a tree in front of his house.

Tiger’s fall was as perfect as his rise: Gorgeous Model Wife of Exemplar Megastar Bashes His Car With His Golf Clubs, Causing Crash While Other Gorgeous Women—Nine at Last Count—Come Forward or Are Reported to Have Had Affairs With Him.

Putting the finishing touch on himself, Woods, who had been allowed to nurture the illusion he controlled his privacy, has holed up ever since, as if handing the press his driver, teeing himself up and asking to be whacked down a freeway.

Oh, and he’s partly African-American and his wife is a blonde from Sweden.

Almost three weeks after the Nov. 27 crash, TV crews still stake out Woods’ gated community. If you wonder how they wile away the days between 911 calls, picture the guys in “The Front Page,” with their fedoras pushed back, sitting around the pressroom, trying to top each other as they phone fanciful stories to their papers.

As willing as mainstream media are to dive in, they can’t compete with the tabloids that pay for information, say anything and drive the coverage.

When Orlando’s WFTV-TV reported, “Eyewitness News has learned that Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, may have moved out of the couple’s Isleworth [private community] home,” it actually learned that from the Web site Radaronline—which WFTV referenced in its story.

This near-scoop zipped up the food chain. ABC News, which would just as soon not cite Radaronline, gave WFTV credit in the third paragraph of a story on its site, titled “Why Would Elin Nordegren Stay With Tiger Woods After at Least 9 Purported Affairs?”

By now, Woods should be hoping for an ATF siege, which might finally turn the tide of public opinion.

In any case, whether or not you stay tuned for further developments, there will be some.

Mark Heisler writes about sports for the Los Angeles Times.

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By meladerm, November 21, 2011 at 10:48 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Is this the end? Is there any continuation. I want more.

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By garth, September 27, 2010 at 12:45 pm Link to this comment

You don’t get it, do you you?

It’s about the news media, golf in particular and sports in general.

Keep, keep, keep the boneheads a’talkin’.  About anything.

All the hype about Tiger’s father, an African American who was a Green beret and his mama an Asian woman from ‘somewhere’, leads you on and on.

This marital disaster is actually good news.  Good news to the ones who welcome a chink in the armour of the ones who are portrayed as ‘We Americans’ when they are not anything near that.

IT IS ALL BULLSHIT!  You should know better.

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By ardee, September 26, 2010 at 3:20 pm Link to this comment

diman, December 16, 2009 at 2:41 pm Link to this comment

Fuck Tiger Woods!!!
Plain and simple, fuck him, you might not like it but god damn it, i said it.

Apparently you are in the company of female bartenders, waitresses, strippers and other women who have said and actually done that.

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By love, September 24, 2010 at 12:25 pm Link to this comment

After all this while, will Tiger ever be able to get back to his former glory? It’s been many months now, and it seems like he’s a recluse, other than a dry spell of golf. He’s wife’s gone, his wealth’s gone, his endorsements have dried up. Wonder what he’s asking himself now. Perhaps, “was it worth it?”

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By Blackspeare, December 17, 2009 at 2:59 pm Link to this comment

All I want to know is where the Black women at?!

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By johncp, December 16, 2009 at 6:33 pm Link to this comment

Holy shit!  Where have you been NABNYC?  You sound as if men are wholly responsible for the sorry mess we’re all in.  Don’t women cheat on their husbands?  Don’t men get gossiped about and slandered for their clumsiness in matters sexual?  It’s not the people that are messed up, it’s the institution of marriage that has enormous limitations.  It’s not the people here that went astray, it’s that most of us “expect” people to marry, we “expect” poiticians to marry, we expect celebrities to have steady mates and marriages, we “expect” marriage to work out in every instance.  What makes you so damn sure that Tiger didn’t expect his marrige to work?  Once people are married and, got forbid, also have kids to boot, they often discover that marriage fails them.  We don’t fail marriage, it fails us.  Marriage is an artificial institution, that works fairly poorly in nearly all cases.  It’s not natural to the species.  All of us have to make sacrifices to make marriage work, and even then, most marriages end in divorce or remain more or less intact because of resignation and hypocrisy, fear of censure by our neighbors, etc.  Why do you assume that people have evolved ways of relating to one another, that are foolproof, and when these “ways” fail, it’s always the people that are to blame, or rather, in your view, the “men” that are to blame?  Like most people, you need to rethink your notions about relationships, and their enormous complexities, before you go out into the world armed with hateful attacks that end up reflecting badly on you.

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By johncp, December 16, 2009 at 6:10 pm Link to this comment

Robin Williams is sadly mistaken.  The body has blood a-plenty for both brain and penis.  But only in strong, youthful men, not, I fear, in chubby, middle-aging old actors.  When the body can’t mobilize the blood necesssary to feed brain & cock, it’s usually time to throw in the towel, at both levels; that’s why Viagra is so popular.  If the men old enough to buy this trash, have enough memory to remember to buy it. Tiger has done what every rational, (heterosexual, at any rate) and fit young man would do in similar circumstances: taken advantage of the endless female riches available to him at a second’s notice.  All the pathetic prudes writing scurillous and hateful attacks against him are revealing what jealous and sexually frustrated baboons they are.  One of the central issues in this farce, is that Tiger “made himself out to be,” a pure, all American boy next door, i.e. a robot, a eunuch, a sexless golf machine.  Why did he do this?  Well, because all you hopeless morons expected this of him, just as you expect it of yourselves.  If 9 out of 10 of you fools, knew what greueling work it is to maintain a world championship at golf, you’d encourage Tiger to relax any way he wants to, instead of begruding him the pleasure.

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By NABNYC, December 16, 2009 at 6:05 pm Link to this comment

I think it’s funny to watch these men whine about their “privacy” when the media condemns their sex life outside of marriage.  The men who draw this type of scrutiny are usually rich, powerful, famous, get away with whatever they want, are used to having people bow down and kiss their feet, and they are surprised when their greed and self-absorbed disregard for others finally catches up with them.

Does anyone think this guy didn’t know that he wasn’t supposed to be screwing around on his wife?  Was this one of those “rules” that he just never heard about?  No.  He knew what the rule was.  He just thought that the rules didn’t apply to him because he was better than all the rest of us.  Just like he doesn’t have to worry about how he can pay his electric bill, probably never stands in line, doesn’t scrub bathtubs or take the trash out.  He just exists, and allows others to wait on him.

I don’t feel a bit sorry for him.  If his name was Tigress, if he was a she, she’d probably be stoned to death.  Women are used to public assaults and attacks on them, gossip about every aspect of their lives.  Even wear the “wrong” blouse and people will call a woman a slut.  Come home late and her neighbors will say she’s a whore.  Date too soon after a divorce, and the judges will take her kids away.  Women are used to having the world stick their collective noses into our sheets.  It’s fun to see it happen to a man for a change.  And I don’t feel a bit sorry for him.

I do feel sorry for his wife, on the other hand.  Just like A-Rod’s wife.  Do these men have to humiliate their wives by chasing after the nightclub girls, the ones most likely to land on the front page of the Enquirer? Did these men accuse their wives of being suspicious, paranoid, tell them they were imagining things, nagging?  Did they give their wives stds then tell them it must have come from some hotel’s sheets?

Zip it up, boys.  If you don’t want to be monogamous, don’t get married.  If you want to screw around, then tell your wife about it, and don’t have sex with her.  And take the consequences if she decides to leave and take the kids. 

You would think that the fear of not being able to live with his children would have been enough to make this guy (and other men) zip it up.  Isn’t that a terrible loss?  To leave these children without a full-time dad, just because Tiger wanted to screw around?  Doesn’t he love his children enough to keep himself under control?  Apparently not.

Well, now he’ll be free to hang out at nightclubs whenever he wants, and see his kids during the summer.  Great result.

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By Mo, December 16, 2009 at 4:23 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

This is a terrible article.  Why is Truthdig putting this junk up on the their website?  Leave it at the lousy LA Times, where it belongs.

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By Leroy The Roadie, December 16, 2009 at 4:08 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

“The golf links lie so near the mill, That almost every day, The laboring children
can look out, And watch the men at play”

Sarah Norcliffe Cleghorn

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By scotttpot, December 16, 2009 at 2:53 pm Link to this comment

Only an idiot who has been brainwashed by television would idolize a grown
man who hits a ball for a living . Aggregate American insanity paid him over a
Billion dollars for hitting the ball well and being a spokesman for watches,
cereal, sport drinks ,cars ,apparel , and so on… Losers and suckers worship pro athletes.
Amazing amounts of our Health insurance Premiums and Bank Fees go to
sponsor golf tournaments. Buick, Wells Fargo, U.S. Bancorp ,and Morgan Stanley got bailout money and sponsored golf tournaments.  Intersections of Media , Finance and Sports that the public pays for. Citicorp paying the N.Y. Mets $400 Million for the name Citi Field, AIG sponsoring NASCAR.
These are Corporations that only care about making money pretending to
connect with Joe Idiot by sponsoring some sporting spectacle.How much will we
pay to watch Tiger in the sack?

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By dihey, December 16, 2009 at 2:37 pm Link to this comment

It appears to me that “Jacksonitis” has finally been replaced by “Tigeritis”.

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By Norman Harman, December 16, 2009 at 2:14 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Professional Sports: little boys and their balls, sticks, clubs, baskets, nets, etc.
What a f**king crock?!? It’s why the little boys - players and watchers alike - never
grow up to be actual men.

And the MSM? Garbage peddlers, one and all, including the author of this article.
My only question is why Truthdig features any of this ‘sports-related’ drivel at all?

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By kp55, December 16, 2009 at 1:48 pm Link to this comment

This whole affair is as much about the American public as it is about a man misbehaving and the author could have done a better job delving into that issue. Idolizing people in the sports, music and movie industries, paying them obscene salaries to do something quite meaningless and obsessing about their personal lives is a sick way to live and it makes me sad for us. There are hours of programing devoted to celebrities but little promoting real people doing real good with their lives. I know the latter is not sexy, but what we put our attention on is what we get more of. It would be great if we focused our attention on setting examples of what can be done to raise the consciousness and the heart of this country and the world rather than live our lives vicariously through people who basically play for living. What does this teach our kids?? When teachers struggle to make ends meet but spend hours every day with our kids, teaching them, shaping them and hopefully inspiring them, and the guy who can hit a tiny white ball better than anyone makes more money than any human being needs, something is wrong. Tiger is just another grossly overpaid athlete, not some icon or god for us to worship. Let’s get real and get into our own lives as much as we are into his. Oh, and yes, Tiger’s a creep for behaving so badly; but I don’t really care except to feel very sorry for his wife and kids who didn’t ask for and probably don’t deserve all of this.

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By garth, December 16, 2009 at 11:47 am Link to this comment

It’s not about Tiger Woods.  It’s about the comparison of his female conquests (count ‘em 11) with Wilt Chamberlain’s claim of 10,000 babes.

Gimme a break.  Please.

My wife is fat and tryng to lose weight with Weight Watchers.

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By Judy Johnson, December 16, 2009 at 11:08 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

If a man can’t keep his word (marriage vows), how can anyone else trust him?  Evidentally he’s a really egotistical little man with no morals.  Not that I hold that against him…

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By calitatum, December 16, 2009 at 10:25 am Link to this comment

Your article is absolute nonsense. He deserves everything he is dealing with. He needs to keep his penis in his pants and it’s his fault he took it out in public! Good grief.

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By diman, December 16, 2009 at 9:41 am Link to this comment

Fuck Tiger Woods!!!
Plain and simple, fuck him, you might not like it but god damn it, i said it.

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By BobZ, December 16, 2009 at 9:00 am Link to this comment

The author complains about politics being reduced to the superficiality of
sports and then goes on to prove his point by engaging in superficiality himself
by reducing the health care debate to the opinions of three media
commentators. This is an insult to the thousands of American’s who
participated in the largest grassroot efforts ever to get a black American
elected as President, party based on his promise to enact significant health care
reforms. There was nothing superficial about that. Yes, we do now live in a
society that thinks second place is somehow failure. The Arizona Cardinals
made the Super Bowl last year but failed because they lost to Pittsburgh. Tiger
Woods symbolizes that more than anybody in sports today which I guess is why
sports writers and sports television commentators fawn over him more than
other other sports star. So naturally we are fascinated when the biggest sports
star in the world falls on his face. To ask us to do otherwise is as ridiculous as
asking not to look at the scene of a car crash as we drive by the scene. The
larger issue here is how “winning” at any cost has sunk to the level of
elemenatary school sports, with coaches actually viewing films of the opposing
teams. It has moved on to the corporation where the CEO reaps all of the
riches and the rest of us are left to fight over the scraps. We worship the rich
and famous, and get our entertainment from shows like the Apprentice and
Survivor. Yes, we get angry when Wall Street gets bailed out but look what
happened when the government threw some crumbs at the rest of us. Rick
Santelli of CNBC started whining about it and created the tea bagger
movement, because heaven help us if our neighbor actually got a break at our

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By G.Anderson, December 16, 2009 at 8:20 am Link to this comment

What’s important about Tiger Woods, is not that he sleeps around, or how this effects golf, and the sports industry.

What’s important is how American’s have been duped yet again into believing in someone solely based on externals. Externals, that come directly from their neurotic belief systems.

As long as somone looks good for the camera’s says the right things, and fits our neurotic and symbolic view of the world, then we trust that person with our lives and the lives of all our loved ones.

Perps, are like that,(No I’m not saying that I think Mr. Woods is a perp), they go to great lengths to fit in, to dress like everyone else, to talk like everyone else. They can’t afford to look or act differently, so that someone will question who they are below the surface. And this is why we are fooled again and again, because we only look at the surface of things.

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By Gurp, December 16, 2009 at 7:20 am Link to this comment

“We just had a national “debate” on health care that, at the grass-roots level,
focused on whether the principals were socialists, communists, Birchers or

I think you should be careful about accusing our culture of reducing political debate to merely two sides of crazies equally determined to win at any cost…. politics is not actually sports, and there is a real battle of actual principles involved, and its resolution will have an enormous impact on the lives of most people.

Much, if not most, of the noise in opposition to health care reform is astroturf, not grass roots, run by “FreedomWorks,” an organization created and financed by the Koch family, the super-rich founders of the John Birch society.

Yes they really are Birchers, sorry. Definitively so. When you suggest that the healthcare issue is equivalent to a sensational gossip item,  you are a part of the very problem about which you complain.

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By Michael Keeneth, December 16, 2009 at 4:45 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

When you suspect that you are being cheated on by your partner it is one of the worst feelings in the world. The thought that someone you love and trusted could be cheating on you can cause you to feel any number of emotions including anger, pain, sorrow, a sense of betrayal, distrust, and many other painful emotions.

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By me-again, December 16, 2009 at 2:46 am Link to this comment

“A heated argument ensues, moments later screeching automobile tires swerve recklessly, speeding, unrelenting anger fueling the momentum of the propelling vehicle, until suddenly… a pole appears, bringing the vehicle to a sudden stop”.

The reason the anger was instilled is no ones business, (Certainly not mine), however, the results of the unrestrained anger is. The speeding and resulting collision “could have” easily been a very real live human being, or several, instead of a pole. His actions were criminal, the erratic driving, speeding and the collision…Might as well have been inebriated on a controlled substance. Drunk with anger. I and many others could care less about his fall or “leap in bounds” from grace. It happens. But many people dont demonstrate their anger by recklessly endangering the lives of others.

I am curious though…How much was the fine he paid for his “tantrum” and resulting collision in traffic court? Was his license suspended… Thankfully his “transgression” didnt include taking the life of another person.

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By jack, December 15, 2009 at 10:49 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

It’s not every generation that can say they witnessed the Fall of an
— first installment:

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By Sepharad, December 15, 2009 at 10:42 pm Link to this comment

Gotta agree with comments by Robin Williams via Ourobous, and Gerard. Also would add that whether Tiger Woods or his parents invented the moniker “Tiger” hoping that it woulld make him interesting, it didn’t work. “Tiger” is interesting when one leaps out of his high-transparent-wall security cage and lopes over to the concession table, attackz and kills some guy who moments earlier had been teasing the tiger, banging on the transparent wall. “Tiger” is even more interesting when he achieves immortality in William Blake’s poem.

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By hark, December 15, 2009 at 7:59 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

The obsession with Tiger Woods is nothing more than an extension of our natural tendency to gossip about the people in our lives.

The only difference here, what makes it all newsworthy, is that the focus of our attention is on one common individual, whom we all know.  Normally, each of us is obsessed with the local stories, about the tawdry activities of our neighbors, our friends, our family, our in-laws.  None of that interests anyone else, so it doesn’t make the news.

This is what we do.  We gossip.  Always have, always will.

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By Ouroborus, December 15, 2009 at 7:44 pm Link to this comment

“God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough
blood to run one at a time.”—Robin Williams

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By mef, December 15, 2009 at 7:02 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

a lot of the commentary here rivals the (sic) headline
*story* as revealing infotainment.
are these the diverse voices of repressed democracy (or
just masked repeat offenders)?

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By Bill Jones, December 15, 2009 at 6:48 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Who gives a fuck?  And Why?

Woods’ mistake, of course, was not going back into his house and refusing to talk to the police.

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By LemuelG, December 15, 2009 at 6:09 pm Link to this comment

I wasn’t interested until it became clear that Tiger wasn’t fully coming-clean (as the author states, it was clear from his first announcement). Like Clinton, his achievements will always be shadowed by his cowardice when it mattered… enslaved by their precious egos more than their penis.

Why should anyone be concerned about a public-figure being held-to-account over his lies, his disgusting sluttery? If he loses it all on account of some dim-wit nightclub tart with fake-tits then no-one will be laughing with schadenfreud harder than I.

This kind of attention comes with the million-dollar contracts for whoring shaving-foam etc., if you want privacy - get the fuck outta my face first, Tiger.

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By jack, December 15, 2009 at 5:45 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

RE: The real story isn’t about Woods, at all—it’s about us:

it may be about you - but it ain’t about me - I never paid any more attention to
Jackson’s death than to marvel at the spectacle, they day I noticed his image on
every last magazine cover in the rack at the corner store and I now marvel again:
why does Truthdig or any of its contributors give a hoot about the private life of
Woods, other than that they’ve got nothing, nothing really to say about anything
that matters?

To all media pundits: don’t you ever presume to speak for me as in “we”  “us”
“you” (e.g. “you wake up in the morning and just know you voted for the wrong
candidate”) - if you do, dare to do it to my face so as to give me the opportunity
to let you know what I think of your presumption, mano-a-mano, got it?

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By liecatcher, December 15, 2009 at 4:34 pm Link to this comment

It’s Not About Tiger Woods, It’s About Us
Posted on Dec 15, 2009 By Mark Heisler

It sure is about US, WE THE PEOPLE.

TV is the greatest brainwashing tool ever invented &
sports represent an irresistible hook for those
countless millions who get off watching others move
to impale themselves on while remaining stationary &
consume health destroying trash foisted on them while
they are mesmerized.Those folks who have already
“Free Lunch: How the Wealthiest Americans Enrich
Themselves at Government Expense (and StickYou with
the Bill)” by David Cay Johnston
know how the system works. The stadiums get built &
paid for by we the people, & the sports promoters get
the profits.In other words:“they get the gold mine & we get the shaft”. What these miscreants did with the
Yankee Stadium in New York is textbook fascism. And let’s not forgot how “W” got started with his
team/stadium that his crime family buddies handled for him & he pocketed millions. Forget about soccer moms or dads attacking each other or coaches,the real tragedy is that schools spend more on sports than education. This is all part of the numbing & dumbing down agenda leading the ignorant sheep to be fleeced. The MEDICAL INSURANCE PHARMACEUTIC INDUSTRIAL CONSPIRACY makes billions off the suffering sedentary screen watchers & their families. And many multinational companies have their fingers in the pie sucking the public dry from the enormous exposure sporting
events get.

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By JimBob, December 15, 2009 at 4:14 pm Link to this comment

People like simple stories with clear narratives and easy answers.  That’s what they liked about Bush/Cheney: “We’re the good guys, they’re the bad guys, end of story, no shades of gray.”  Too many issues are clouded with complexity and have no real “answer.”  And the soaps are being taken off the air on a daily basis, practically.  So, TW becomes big news.

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By Glen Wayne, December 15, 2009 at 2:40 pm Link to this comment

Just Do It     empirePie   December 15th, 2009

just do it
green a slogan
price a footprint

just do it
for the woody crowd
yellow balls allowed

just do it
slam that dimpled ball
even though it’s kinda small
slam that ball with all the clout
to bounce up on the green… no doubt

no doubt about the green
slime up to the celebrity machine.

just do it
here’s a toast to the fair way of the host
to the sweaty jocks
to the Goldman Sacs and socks
and the sponsors all up to the hocks
to the tanked tigers and Mic Jaggers
to the spooks and the spanglers
to the hole in oners
to the Holy roguers
and…to the it’s so in voguers

suck the bubbles of the best…

just do it
suck sucker suckest.

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By jean Gerard, December 15, 2009 at 1:25 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

It’s about some of us.  It’s about rich countries that can afford golf courses and
the upkeep expenses—water, mowing, scraping, raking—huge green spots
breaking up the concrete of freeways, streets and buildings, or crawling along
coastlines within the sound of waves.  It’s about money—massive energy
consumption, fat, sweet foods, designer jeans and all that.  It’s about the Great
American Boobocracy.

It’s definitely not about them—stuck in wars in godforsaken mountainous
terrain with blizzards around every ledge.  Not about noise and dirt.  It’s not
about blood and guts and craziness, not about losing a leg or an arm or a
brain.  It’s not about skinny little spindly-legged kids with pot-bellies that
haven’t had a square meal for years.  It’s not about scrounging for your next
meal, or simply lying down and dying because you can’t go any farther.

Definitely not!  Who wants to read about that kind of stuff?  Shut up, Gerard!

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By starfish, December 15, 2009 at 1:17 pm Link to this comment

Just to put this in perspectve . . .

- - - - - - - - -
Parrot has sex with hat

A British woman woke up from a nap to find her parrot having sex with her hat, says the London Sun. Jackie Lucking, 40, had worn the haute couture bonnet of colored feathers to a christening service, after which she fell asleep. When she awoke, she found that her parrot, Shrek, had gorged himself on nine of Lucking’s stimulant-based diet pills and was attempting congress with the hat. “He turned into a maniac,” says Lucking. “It’s disgusting.”

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By melpol, December 15, 2009 at 1:10 pm Link to this comment

Paradise is a place where every man will be Tiger Woods, and every woman will be
his blond tigress.  Loud moans and screams of ecstasy will not disturb their
neighbors, they are thousands of suicide bombers, each with 72 virgins. On a
throne in the nude will be seated the creator of the show who needs no sex
partner to be pleased.

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By tomack, December 15, 2009 at 1:06 pm Link to this comment

Blah blah, woop woop

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By Samson, December 15, 2009 at 11:16 am Link to this comment

I think its time for more shark stories.

Unless of course a young, attractive, natural-blonde American woman goes missing somewhere.

Has anyone tried to kill Christmas this year?  (excluding the obvious answer of the wall street grinch brigade.)

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By Mary Ann McNeely, December 15, 2009 at 11:11 am Link to this comment

Feeling atomized?  Feeling crushed by life?  Do you spend more and more hours each day spinning wonderful, wild fantasies about yourself and your place among the human race?  Do you secretly suspect that everybody wants to talk to you and hang on your every word?  Yes and no?  No and yes?  Well, there’s always Eldrick T. Woods, who sounds like an evangelical fire and brimstone preacher out of Oklahoma, mentor to the state’s senators, Coburn and Inhofe, until you realize it’s Tiger - Tiger Woods.  This “story” will burn itself out like a fire in a trash can, only to be replaced by the outing of the sins of yet another celebrity or Joe The plumber type granted his/her 15 minutes.  And so it goes.

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By Samson, December 15, 2009 at 10:58 am Link to this comment


Up until today, I’d managed to be completely unaware of what the whole Tiger Woods thing was all about.  I knew vaguely that there was something going on with him, but so far had avoided knowing even the slightest detail.  Dang, I liked it that way.

I don’t watch local news. I don’t watch the corporate evening news.  All the US 24-hour corporate news channels are blocked from my TV by the ‘parental control’ system.  I like sports, but I never watch anything like SportsCenter.  I like sports.  I just don’t like listening to loudmouth jerks talk about sports.

Of course, to me, since this is how I live my life, this is how I think it should be.  I don’t give a flip about any of this.  It has zero impact on my life.  None, nada, zilch.  Since I believe in a free America as a nation of free citizens, as far as I’m concerned, Tiger can do whatever he wants to do.  How he wants to weigh casual sex with groupies with the happiness of his family life is entirely his concern.  It ain’t effecting me in the slightest.

In the old Sherlock Holmes books, there was the idea that the human brain can only process and hold so much information, therefore Mr. Holmes felt it was important to concentrate on useful information and deliberately exclude the trivial and useless.  I wonder if that made it into the new super-action-hero version of Sherlock Holmes?

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By mrfreeze, December 15, 2009 at 10:24 am Link to this comment

This may seem a bit off-topic but right now I’m listening to an interview with Greg Mortenson, the author of “Three Cups of Tea.” It’s uber-ironic that Mr. Mortenson, whose activities are far more important than those of Mr. Woods, does not enjoy the notoriety or public support he deserves.

The fact is, we have become a nation of intellectual and social dullards.

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By godistwaddle, December 15, 2009 at 9:52 am Link to this comment

Good-lookin’ guy with nice golf swing gets lot of sex.  This is a story?

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By starfish, December 15, 2009 at 9:51 am Link to this comment

No, it’s about Tiger Woods.

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By felicity, December 15, 2009 at 9:39 am Link to this comment

Actually, most women understand that if you want to be wed to a non-philanderer, marry a guy whose had multiple sexual partners, preferably throwing themselves at him. 

Marry the nerd, the guy no woman would look at twice, the sexually deprived and you might be headed for grief.  Should he become famous, women will throw themselves at him (fame attracts women like honey attracts bees) and the sudden adoration (having been deprived of it during his formative years) will literally go to his ‘head.’

And that’s the way I read the Tiger saga.

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By loneagle, December 15, 2009 at 9:29 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Tiger has gone in exactly the wrong direction. He
should have cancelled nothing and be showing up at
future tournaments with three or four scantily clad
blond assistants to cavort along side him between
shots. A much better career choice than cowering in

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By bozh, December 15, 2009 at 8:07 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

To get my wife i had to lie a lot. That was the only way i cld get her. I also promised her that if she marries me, she’ll have lotsof troubles. And she did!
Recently, i told her that since she’s a small head and me a big head and that a small head shld never argue with a big head, she doesn’t argue any more!
Now isn’t that good news!

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By Jon, December 15, 2009 at 8:04 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

As a culture we love these kinds of stories, and the media knows it, so it delivers.  After all one of the most widely read publications is People Magazine, not Foreign Policy.  If anything, our media has become more like the U.K. press, or the Italian press.  But people lap it up and who am I to dictate what people able to see, listen to and purchase?  As a friend would say, ‘this might be tasteless stuff, but how can WE make a buck off it.’

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By johannes, December 15, 2009 at 7:58 am Link to this comment

This is not tru!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not like golf its become vere cheap, pseudo elitaire, so out

I do not have any watch, and I am never to late

And I like woman, but I do not have to make love with them, to like them,

So you can live happely in this shit time, with out to be an fool, as this ping pong player.

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By Tokin Lib, December 15, 2009 at 7:18 am Link to this comment

The only reason for Tiger’s Tribulations are so
titillating and the outcome so widely speculated over
is that Tiger Woods “IS” golf in the world today, and
golf in the world today is a huge, but largely doomed
enterprise/industry, doomed by it’s frivolity and the
waste which it embodies. It’s the MONEY!

If Tiger is not part of the tour, with his
spectacular skills, “golfing” celebrity rests on the
journeyman shoulders of (e.g.) Steve Stricker or
Kenny Perry or any one of the other dozens of
perfectly adequate, but quiote unspectacular drones
who have been laboring to finish behind Woods for the
past 10 years.

Oh, yeah. He’s a Person of Color who married, and
cheated often on, a ‘white’ woman. That’s a sign of
an ingrate, so there’s that…

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By D.R. Zing, December 15, 2009 at 6:39 am Link to this comment

It is interesting. It is about us.  We have crazy sexual openness in our culture coupled with good old-fashioned prudence. 

The news media tends to enforce the prudence, and much of everything else from mainstream marketing to mainstream porn tends to reinforce the sex.

Forget cheating on your spouse.

How many people did you have sex with when you were single? 

Have you ever paid a prostitute?

Ever gotten more than a lapdance from a stripper?

Even the ladies: was lending that male dancer a hand at that bachelorette party something you would want on the front page news? 

Just good clean fun, wasn’t it? 

The deal is, for the vast majority of us, our sexual behavior is far beyond the social mores that we step back into with marriage.

We hop around like rabbits for quite a while and then jump into a staid sexual relationship for the rest of our lives?  You’ve got to be kidding. 

If you’re going to be responsible about marriage, there are certain things you discuss beforehand.  How to raise the kids.  What type of religious beliefs you share or don’t share.  How you will handle the finances.  What you want to do when you retire.

Why not discuss past and future sexual behavior?

No, when it comes to sex, it’s no discussion at all except it’s ‘nothing but you, babe’ for the rest of our lives or however long this marriage lasts, whatever comes first. Welcome to the Puritan Club. 

It’s nonsense for most people, men and women, and they just don’t admit it.  I mean, it’s a given that during the honeymoon phase when love is blind and the sex is strange, yes, monogamy is easy.  But after kids, mortgages, suffocating jobs, constant stress, it’s easy to start looking at your spouse as something less than a sex god or goddess. 

Nothing quite like seeing your partner nailing someone else to rekindle that old flame. What I’m saying is it’s a pity that Tiger had to do what he did without his wife’s participation or at least knowledge. It’s a shame she wasn’t able to be doing something on the side, too, with or without him. It’s a pity that she married him without realizing he would continue wanting multiple sexual partners. 

It happens far too often. 

The sexual revolution for singles was some forty years ago.

When will the sexual revolution be for married folks?

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By ardee, December 15, 2009 at 5:59 am Link to this comment

Hmmm, a billionare thirty something,rather handsome in fact, flies all over the world succumbing to the blandishments of pretty waitresses and bartenders, perhaps even initiating them. While our resident extremist posits this a signal of approaching Armeggedon, perhaps in desperation for any sign that there is a shred of credibility in his positions here, I think cooler heads may prevail.

A lady friend of mine noted, when this news broke, “men always think with the wrong head”. Sexist, perhaps, generalizations seldom add to a discussion, but illustrative of the facts I think. Tiger succumbed to testosterone and opportunity, not to the voice of his god commanding he contribute to the end times.

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By montanawildhack, December 15, 2009 at 5:48 am Link to this comment

The Tiger Woods’ saga is just another in a long line of “panem et cirensus” stories that litter the
airwaves….  This is the beginning of the end of the American Empire people and it’s all about Bread and Circuses baby!!!!!  Just kick back, crack open a Pabst Blue Ribbon, fire up a blunt and enjoy the ride….  It’s not every generation that can say they witnessed the Fall of an Empire.

God bless you and God Bless America!!! 

(cue balloon drop and playing of Battle Hymn of the Rebublic)

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By Miguel, December 15, 2009 at 5:29 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

It’s sooooooo sad how low the press has become. This whole Tiger Woods affair is just silly crap, something the press can not ignore. It sells air time/papers/ah, what ever.
For the American public, for that matter anyone in the world, to actually sit/read this crap about Tiger just proves how low minded we’ve become.
The death of innocent villagers in Afghanistan has no importance. The theft of Palestinian land by Israel has no place in the popular press. And this list goes on and on.
Yet, something that has no real importance in the ‘Real World’ gets so much air time and comments. And even from the quality news organizations like the BBC and Sky News (did I say ‘quality’??? shut my mouth!!!). Which is, unfortunately, all I can only receive with Freeview. Good, if I could receive American news cast I would kill myself (I’m so glad I don’t live in America, anymore!)
I guess this is why America has stopped being a beacon for the free world. American (and many of their British cousins) have learned that the lives of popular people, be them celebrities, be them politicians, is far more important than the death of an Iraqi brother and sister killed by an American bomb. Maybe that is why I hate watching TV news. Maybe that is why I hate sports, too.

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